So its been long overdue and I'm still trying to figure out what it all means but in the end and with a month to think it over I feel that things are finally starting to become clearer to me if nothing else. Back in the beginning of last month I was laid off from a job that I kicked ass in for the past year and was a key member of making things work and come together at. Its to bad that the people running the company where a bunch of money hungry backstabbers that would rather rotate their employees on a year to year basis rather then pay them or except any kind of suggestions or pushing in the right direction. In the end I saw the end coming and it was a very uneasy feeling as it had nothing to do with me though I could see that kissing ass and being friends with the people in charge was more important then actual work, that and sleeping on the couch of the owner. Alas, I saw things being plotted against the key members and though I warned a few people of what was to come- nobody paid much attention as they all where I guess to worried about their own jobs at the time. As I understand this, there does come a time when a stand up and fight action should come into play- though people agreed with me on this...nobody actually wanted to proceed with it.

So come the point where I was told the end was here (though not by the people making the decisions as they couldn't be bothered to be called out on their actions I suppose) but by friends of mine who were equally shocked and confused- the end was a bittersweet "why even fight it anymore as they will continue to run this way and make up shit that just isn't true until they have what they want". I chose to go this route and figured that I could do better somewhere that actually knew how good I was and sit back and watch them self implode after their decision. The only thing left was the question of what to do now.

Finally I had time on my hand and a chance to sit back and see that working for people to better their ego rather then working for myself to better my life was a very stupid thing, and I have worked to long and hard over my life for the things that I wanted- it was not going to be taken away by someone who didn't see that. The only thing I had left was me, the people I was close to, and my background over the years and years of...well everything. So I devoted all of my time to get back into my goals in life and started to try to work for myself- FOR myself. It has been quite the change of everything and something that I think have been trying to do for awhile now just have never been able to bring myself to the point that I had no other choice.

For years and years after highschool I worked a dayjob and then as I got home each night worked on sketch projects, improv groups, photography, design, production, etc- all of which was mostly free work or work that I wanted to make into a job but couldn't find the way or the time to make it happen. Most of this was because I was leaning on others to make things happen and couldn't do it on my own (when you have a sketch group you want to promote on tour- you have to have ALL members of that group willing to do so or your stuck doing bullshit comedy clubs on weekends for years and years for little to NO pay). It wasn't until I got into photography that I learned that I could use my artistic talents on my own and not have to lean on a group of people to do so, and then when the birth of youtube a few years later I learned that I could even do sketch comedy on my own and share it with the world with no others needed. This opened up a whole new door for me as far as doing something that I loved and sharing it with the world who would never see it unless they came over my place or I knew them (this was the case back when I started all of this years and years ago- the internet wasn't always here kids).

So now- yes the money isn't rolling in and I'm living carefree or anything, BUT I am alot happier with making decisions and feeling that the things I am working towards and the people that I am meeting are going to help me rather then hurt me if I need something. All of which depends on me now, which is a scary thing but something that I think I have tried to push myself towards for years now and it just has kept pushing me away due to the fear of supporting myself without knowing the future. I still have alot of doubts, still a ton of debt, and still the fear of not knowing if I will be able to pay rent each day- but these things are kinda in the background as I try to figure out my life right now and am glad that for once I have some kind of hope that it might be doing something that I want to do for once rather then something that I am forced into due to fears.

This all being said, I have talked to a ton of people that have been going through the same thing and have been sharing stories and outlooks about this kind of thing. It has been a good support for me to feel that I am not alone in all of this and all hope "is not lost" but things are better this way. While going through emails and trying to get my week all together I have found this trailer for a movie called Lemonade that is basically everything I and many many other people are going through as stated on there site which is such a shining light for me to continue what I am now doing and move forward to a better place.

More than 70,000 advertising professionals have lost their jobs in this Great Recession. Lemonade is about what happens when people who were once paid to be creative in advertising are forced to be creative with their own lives.

[link]

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